by Callum Dee
•
7 July 2023
I wanted to do this blog post earlier in the year, maybe a couple of months after going self employed to report back on how I was finding it. Shit went tits up though and I had some major set backs so I find myself writing this now, much later than I wanted. Now it’s still too early to tell if I’ve made the right decision here, if all this will work out and I'll be able to support my family or if I’ve completely fucked it and am now stuck… but I feel it’s still worthy of a little reflection. Making this decision was something I’d been thinking about for a while and was ultimately forced in to it - You’ll see why in a moment! Heads up, this will be a long one. Let’s go back shall we... The Past The start of my career was based mainly within law enforcement. I joined the Metropolitan Police as a Special Constable in 2015, working in my free time with a view to join as a Police Constable a couple of years later. My main job at the time was at an engineering company in an operator’s role earning £8 an hour. It was boring but it gave me the easy life of a Monday to Friday allowing me to pursue what I believed to be my “dream” on evenings and weekends - Always been grinding! Once I started in the Met I quickly found out about the role of Detention Officer in Police Custody and applied for it as soon as it was advertised. It took a while to go through the application process so in the meantime I put a lot more time in to my Police work. In July 2017 I started as a Detention Officer and towards the end of 2018 I realised that being a Police Officer wasn’t going to be for me. This was most likely because I was now spending a minimum of 12 hours a day in custody then “Policing” on my rest days. I’d seen everything at this point and though I’ve always loved helping people, putting myself in harms way to protect someone or just being there as a preventative measure, there was more that changed my mind. Politics, policies and attitudes both inside and outside of the Police were the main cause. Officers have to set themselves on fire and jump through hoops while juggling just to do something simple. It takes a lot of time and work, each action is met with both positivity and negativity, the workloads pile up, all this and a fuck load more. It causes a lot of stress amongst officers and impacts their family and social lives which is something I didn’t want to happen, especially as we were expecting our first child at the time. At this point I resigned as a Special Constable and freed up my spare time outside of my main job. So I’d decided to stay in Custody. The role was a mix of day and night shifts on a rolling pattern but it allowed for 4-5 days off between sets and was good money. As always though, I found myself looking for other jobs outside of the Police. I applied for a few but never got anywhere. I’d heard about roles in Border Force being good money and as I had experience in this sector I felt like I had a chance so in 2019 when they opened recruitment again, I sent in my application. Of course we then had that little thing called covid which fucked everything and I didn’t get an interview with Border Force until April 2021. Things still took a while but I eventually started training in November 2021. And let’s not forget that I started The Bald Viking in 2019 too! The Not So Distant Past To The Present I was now an Immigration Officer. I started at Heathrow Terminal 5 in January 2022 and though I went in to this job knowing it was going to be fucking boring, I wasn’t prepared for the shitshow it actually was. Before I applied, I’d spoken to people I used to work with who were now in Border Force to get an idea of the role, the hours and all that shit. The role was mundane and tedious but it paid well so I decided to go for it. The hours and shift pattern I’d been told about before I applied sounded good, it wasn’t until I was in the middle of training that I was informed they’d changed the shift pattern during covid and it was now absolutely shit. From what I remember being told, it used to be 7 or 8 hour shifts working 5 days out of 7 on a weekly rota. Heathrow was always going to be a 2 hour commute each way for me but with shorter shifts it would have been manageable. The new rota was 4 days out of 7 but 10 or 11 hour shifts. There were 3 main shifts available with a bit of variety in them but they were essentially earlies, lates and nights. Doesn’t sound too bad, does it? It fucking was. Allow me to explain. The earlies were usually 5am starts and finished around 3pm, the lates started around 12pm and finished after 11pm then the nights started at 9pm and ran until 7am. It still wouldn’t be too bad if you started on an early, did a couple of lates and ended on a night but that’s not how they did things. Oh no! When I said you worked 4 out of 7 days, that wasn’t 4 in a row, they’d be broken up throughout the week. Over the course of a year you had to work a certain amount of weekends and a certain amount of nights. It would have been ok if you could choose a shift pattern to suit you but that wasn’t allowed so you ended up having a random set of shifts throughout the week. I’ll give you an example of the usual week I’d have: Sunday would be a night shift so I left home at 7pm to start at 9, finished at 7 and got home just after 9am on the Monday, sometimes 10am depending on the traffic as I had to go on the M25. I’d sleep until about 1pm, maybe 2pm if I got back later. On Tuesday I’d be starting at 5am which meant I was up at 2am and left at 3am. I’d finish around 3pm, get stuck in traffic and get home closer to 6. Let’s pause here for a second! I finished a night shift and got home around 9am then slept until 2pm at the latest, a healthy 5 hours of sleep! From the point I woke up I had 12 hours before I had to get ready for my early shift the next day. The kids didn’t go to bed until 8 or 9pm so that was the latest I could try to sleep, never did get to sleep that early though! If I was lucky it was usually 11pm or midnight before I got to sleep allowing me to have an even healthier 2-3 hours of sleep before work. If I was really lucky I might have the Wednesday off then a night shift on the Thursday and a late shift on the Saturday before starting again on the Sunday. I barely had a social/family life outside of work and whenever I did have that quality time, I was always tired. It didn’t take long before I started falling asleep while driving to and from work. Once or twice was a coincidence, I was tired and it was expected. When it happened 6 or 7 times I realised there was a problem so I went to the doctors. I described my shift pattern and the commute and they immediately signed me off work and referred me to a sleep clinic as they believed I had sleep apnea. There was a few other things that lead them to believe this, mainly being a fat cunt, but the lack of sleep due to work was the main concern. After 3 months of working here I reapplied for my old job in Custody as well as a ridiculous amount of jobs on Indeed. Jobs that I was under qualified for, a lot that I felt I was over qualified for and many more at my skill level. I heard nothing back. What Do I Do With All This Free Time? I was now at home, spending all my time with my family, doing everything I wanted/needed to do and it was wonderful. I had full pay for the first month then it went down to a reduced payment. It took a long time before I got the referral to the sleep clinic and I eventually went down to statutory sick pay. We were struggling a bit financially at this point but I didn’t want to risk falling asleep at the wheel again so I was holding out to get my old job back and decided to start doing trade stands as well. That’s a whole other story but some of my past blogs are about trade stands so make sure to check them out! Since starting The Bald Viking I’d always wanted to end up doing it full time, I just didn’t know when that time would come. Trade stands brought that time closer and when I had a very successful Christmas market in November 2022, that time moved closer still. In December I was informed that the statutory sick pay was going to end leaving me in a shit situation and with no luck finding any other jobs (I’d applied for over 70 while all this was going on, got one interview, unsuccessful!) I had no choice but to make that decision and go full time. But Cal, what about your old job in Custody? Ahh, you'll see. My last hope was to get my old job back. I'd applied online, gone through the whole recruitment process and was waiting for the vetting. I hadn't heard anything for a while so I called them to ask for an update. They told me they were still waiting for 1 of the 3 references I'd supplied them with. The 2 that were done were both in the Met; 1 Sergeant and 1 Inspector. They still needed the reference from my Border Force supervisor though. This is where it gets interesting. The supervisor I was assigned to when I started barely spoke to me. I got a couple of emails full of unnecessary shit from him and that was pretty much it. After being there 3 months this guy disappeared, I couldn't get hold of him through phone or email, asked other officers and no one had heard from him or knew where he was. He could have died, gone off the grid, became a mole person or anything. Fuck knows what happened to him but I was unable to get that reference. While I was signed off I got assigned to a new supervisor so I told Met recruitment about this. Informed them of the disappearance of my old supervisor and asked them to email the new supervisor for the reference. They said they couldn't do it... When I asked them why, they told me they needed the reference from the referee I'd given on my application. I confirmed with them that this dude may be dead and they told me it didn't matter, he's the one they need the reference from. Baring in mind I'd only left this job a couple a few months before reapplying and had a Sergeant and an Inspector both still in the Met who'd already given references, they said the application could not progress without the one from Border Force. So that plan was dead. How fucking stupid. The Present So here we are, apologies for taking a while to get to this point but I wanted to give you a good idea of what was going on. What I’ve written here is fuck all compared to the amount I wanted to write but I didn’t think you’d appreciate a novel for a blog post. In January I announced I was going full time with The Bald Viking, making the jump and becoming self employed. That's when it all went tits up although I hadn't seen that yet. I started by planning out the year; I committed to another regular market at Potters Bar, confirmed a regular spot at the Welwyn Garden City farmers market as I'd done a couple there already, booked a few multiple day trade shows, got more ideas for new products down on paper and got to work stocking up as much product as I could because the quiet months were the best time to do that. My online sales grew a hell of a lot from last year so thank you for that! With markets and trade events not really kicking off until March I really needed that boost. My first trade stand of the year was The Peculiar Market in Welwyn Garden City on 4th March, I was really excited to be back, did really well that day and sold a lot of products! Two days later I got an email about a potential quality issue. A new customer had generously bought all 6 butters from me at the trade stand, I'd spent a lot of time talking to him about anything and everything and was excited to see what he thought of my products. He told me that 2 of them were fine but the other 4 were very grainy. Now at this point I hadn't seen what was going on and assumed that it was the typical "summer graininess" and that maybe the tins had been in the sun or something. I gave him advice on how to melt them down and set them again but a week later I had another email from him saying they went bad again. The next day I got 2 more messages from other customers with the same problem and that's when I realised something was going on. The Shea Butter Saga I began checking through all of my butters and found that all of them had changed consistency to what could only be described as "damp sugar". Coarse, crystallised and absolutely unusable - I had no idea what was going on. Now my flat is always ridiculously warm and I thought that maybe the butters had warmed up too, wether that was from the heat in the flat or the sun coming through the window, I couldn't be sure. I spent a long time melting down each tin then setting them in the fridge before placing them in a cool box instead of on the usual shelf. For a couple of days they looked fine so I began sending products out again. A couple days later and I found them going bad again. I melted them down once more and did some tests by leaving the tins in different areas around the flat. No matter where they were placed they all went bad. It was at this point that I found the balms and Tattoo Butter were affected too, though different results due to different ingredients/formulas. I realised that these tins I spent a long time making to prepare for market season were completely useless and couldn't be saved. Over £4,000 worth of stock in the bin. This is where I really started to worry. After doubting myself, my methods, my process and everything else I realised it must be an ingredient. There were only 5 ingredients I used that were present in all types of products that went bad so I started replacing them one at a time. Mango Butter was the last ingredient I had to replace and I jumped the gun in assuming that was the problem. I'd replaced Shea Butter the day before and the test batch produced with that looked fine - it wasn't though, it just took a good few days for the quality to deteriorate. So eventually I found it was Shea causing my problems. I got on to my supplier about it and they refused to acknowledge there was an issue. I began to notice a pattern in the bad products at this point, there was always a dip in the middle of the tin and a ring around the edge showing signs of separation. I purchased more shea butter from a different supplier and when I opened the tub I noticed a big dip in the middle with a grainy texture around it. I had a feeling that this was going to be bad quality too and I confirmed my suspicions when I made another test batch. This went on for a while. I went through 5 different suppliers trying both organic and non-organic shea, going back and forth with the suppliers about the quality, each one denying any problems. Each tub I opened looked exactly the same and I could tell the products would go bad - unfortunately I was always right. The worst part about this is that it only seemed to be me who was affected by this. Other companies use shea and no one was saying they had an issue. Eventually I found another company who experienced similar issues, they used a lot of different ingredients but only had problems with the products containing shea! When I posted an update on Instagram about this I then had other people coming forward saying that they'd seen a difference in quality from other companies they'd bought products from. Apparently those companies denied any quality issues though... At this point I'd spent over £1,000 buying more shea, tins other ingredients to conduct tests and make up test batches etc. I was broke and it wasn't looking good. I lost a lot of sleep over this shit and honestly it was fucking me up. The company I had built from nothing and turned in to something great, was now reduced to nothing again - at least that's how I saw it. I had a last resort plan that then became the only plan and that was to swap out shea for something else. I wasn't sure what I could swap it for to have the same quality, texture and affect that my products had before all of this, so I got to work again and eventually landed on Kokum Butter. It had everything I needed but it was more than twice the price of shea, a price I was more than happy to pay to get back to normal. As soon as the Kokum arrived I made test batches with all 3 types of products and was happy with the results. I kept them on the table for a week, in the warm to see how they'd be affected and they held up great. Eventually I began restocking my products as fast as I could and only finished that last week... We're in July now, 7 months later. The Hopeful Future Last night I delivered the final replacement product I had to send out. You see, during all this shit I was sending replacement products to people who purchased the bad quality ones from me. I didn't realise the replacements were shit too so I ended up replacing the replacements! Anyway, I've had enough of dwelling on the past. I worked hard, got through it and I'm happy to see the end of it. Now I can focus on growing my business properly and kicking off this self employed venture how I'd originally planned. Fresh start? I'd love to! So now the main reason for this blog: What's it like going self employed? Well if we pretend this shea issue never happened and forget that fact I've only paid myself £500 this year, it's not too bad! I'm working a lot more now, every day with constant messages, emails, social media, product making, testing, designing, deliveries, trade stands and everything else you can think of. All this is separated though, broken up throughout the day. I'm working from home but I can pick and choose when to do what I need to get done. This way I can see my family more. I now take my son to school and/or pick him up near enough every day, I'm always there for dinner and to get them to bed and I have evenings to myself too. Financially, it's a struggle at the moment but I see glimpses of light and I know it's going to get better. I could have been there already had it not been for all of that shea bullshit but I'm hoping next year will be a fresh start. I've set myself up for a good Christmas period that I'm hoping will carry me through and set me up again for next Christmas, I'll be releasing new products, adding new services and just get through everything like I always do. If you're thinking of going self employed and have something you can jump in to, you should go for it. All those things you're worried about will work themselves out, trust yourself and make it work. Don't get me wrong it is scary to even think about it, you need to plan for it going well and have back ups in case it doesn't, plus some extras in case you get side tracked! If you can set yourself a good plan going forward, you'll be able to work it out if something goes tits up. Just maybe don't do anything involving shea butter... Well that was a big old fucking blog, I'm glad to be at the end now and I'm sure you are too! Hopefully this has explained why I went full time and has given you a good perspective if you're in a similar situation. My journey went downhill pretty much as soon as it started but I'm fighting my way through, I hope yours will be a lot smoother and all uphill! One last thing I need to mention here is all the support I had from my customers. Not to sound big headed but I like to think I provide excellent customer service and I pride myself on that. I've been told many times that my customer service is outstanding and I think this is why I got so much support. I'm telling you this because it's important, don't underestimate the power of great customer service. If you're an arsehole, you'll be treated as such. Be a nice person and I find that the karmic powers that be will help you out when you need it. I had a few low points during all this shit but then I'd get a message from a customer saying something simple like "Thank you for keeping us updated with everything, looking forward to seeing the products back soon" and that kept me going. With whatever you do, if you provide a great service it will provide for you too. Thank you.